She Never Complains

“Oh,   it’s just a little tickle”

“How are you feeling mom?”

“oh fine”

I know I have mentioned this  before but mom NEVER complains. Let me be more specific about that, she never complains about her health or how she is feeling.  She does however complain about waiting in line for anything (and she makes loud comments about how slow people are),  the weather ( it is too hot , too cold, too wet, too humid),  technology (of course , how can she learn it all), the dogs barking  and lots more,  just not about herself or how she is feeling.

Moms immune system is amazing, always has been.   She receives her flu shot faithfully every year, she has had her pneumonia shot ( I think that is every 10 years) she also had the whooping cough booster.  She does not take any medication other that a vitamin B12. That is impressive for a woman in her 90th year.

I have mentioned in previous posts my concern about her diet and nutrition, that is due, in part to her lack of appetite.   There is serious evidence that appetite loss going hand in hand with dementia and Alzheimer disease. She does drink her (ensure + ) shakes, when I place them in front of her, and I try to force her to drink water, by reminding her constantly, I keep her cup next to her all the time. Still a challenge.

I believe I have also mentioned her stubbornness, but did I ever mention she was  a nurse?  That is how her and daddy met. (story for another time) So just like a nurse and a mother, she cares for others and puts her own needs last.   Still.

nurse mom
So pretty and so young


When someone you know has a cold or isn’t feeling well,  you know it, I mean they sound funny ( congestion makes us sound funny) for one thing,   and of course the nose blowing  and groaning, for some. But sometimes they are just out of sorts,  just like with a child you have to try to figure it out .  This is how it is with mom now, I have to try to figure it out.

She  slouches in her chair slightly and pulls her afghan up around her neck

“are you ok mom, do you need anything?”

“no, I’m just cold”

She has a slight fever, (99.8).  I warmed her corn bag for her and put it under her afghan so it could help to warm her up a bit.  Give her some Motrin and force liquids.

regardless of how she feels she really only ever says

“oh fine”

one time recently she said

“eh just not 100%”

So how do you know and how can you tell what’s wrong or what hurts, other than the obvious I mean.  I have to ask very specific questions, even then I don’t get a good answer.

“does your head hurt mom”

“no not really”

what does “not really” even  mean. What I think it means is that, it does hurt but not too bad or at least not enough for her to say it outloud.

And when I say her short term memory is bad,  it is these situations when it becomes a real problem.   I mean she can be coughing a lot one minute with obvious chest congestion ….

”goodness mother that is an awful cough, how are you feeling”

seconds to process and she forgets she has a cough.

“Oh,  it’s just a little tickle”

Bob and I were discussing my concerns and he made it clear I should be concerned

“she must be feeling pretty bad, she hasn’t had a cookie in days”

we chuckled,  but there is a lot of truth to that.  Mom always eats a cookie after her meals, even if she doesn’t finish her meal she still allows herself the treat.


It is so much harder to do anything when you are not feeling well, everything seems to be so much more difficult to accomplish, even getting dressed.   Mom gets understandably frustrated, and when she gets frustrated she mumbles clearly

“oh for Christ sake”

That is my cue to go and assist her.  Today I told her that I am thinking that she thinks  my new name is Oh For Christ Sake. She chuckled. I love that I can still make her chuckle, even when we are both under the weather.

Mom is so weak these days ( but even more so when she is sick) that she has a hard time pulling her pants up, imagine when you get that weak, how helpless you must feel. Because she is sick,  and she is coughing a lot, that is causing  a lot of other problems. When you cough you pee, usually simultaneously.   (Often times that peeing gets on the chair, so when she gets up to go to her room, I wash the chair and put a towel down) When you pee you need to change your clothes.  When you need to change your clothes, you need to walk to your room. When you walk into your room you need to take out dry clothes to put on. Before you put on your dry clothes, you need to take off the ones you currently have on.  Once your wet clothes are off and your dry clothes are on you need to get back to your chair. (somewhere during this process, I will here my name, “oh for Christ sake”, and I will go assist her) So coughing is a lot more complicated than just a cough.

Okay so she is all snuggled back in her chair, wish fresh clothes and fresh water and she taps the arm of the chair and encourages Rookie to come up on her lap.  Rookie jumped but moms arm was in the wrong spot and Rookies claw caught moms skin and tore it like paper.

“oh damn”

she never talks like that

“its OK, I’ll fix it”

as I was washing  and covering her newest cut , she looked at me

“I’m a mess, huh”

“right now, yes, we both are mom”


2 days of this and then….

A trip to the doctor and the clinic for her chest x-ray (still  waiting on those results) picked up her antibiotic (concerns about a lung infection)  and back home. She is resting again.


She is weak and shaky so I didn’t trust her to walk to bed on her own so I assisted her in her evening shuffle to bed

”what would I do with out you?”

a lump catches in my throat, (it is the second time in recent days she has said this) and it is a second before I can respond

“good thing we don’t need to worry about that mom”





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